


burning up

by bubblewrapstargirl



Category: Hit the Floor (TV)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Chronic Illness, Hurt/Comfort, Jealousy, M/M, Suspected Infidelity
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-26
Updated: 2016-09-08
Packaged: 2018-05-23 10:12:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 21,074
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6113287
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bubblewrapstargirl/pseuds/bubblewrapstargirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Zero hates the unfounded jealously he feels whenever Jude is alone with other guys. Jude doesn't deserve it... or does he?<br/>---</p><p>This is NOT a cheating/infidelity fic!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

The media frenzy surrounding them hadn’t really died down at all, regardless of all Jude and Lionel’s reassurances that it would, once the press got their pound of flesh. Zero honestly thought, that after his banging party, and the shock of Sloan Hayes arrested for Olivia’s murder, it would be quickly swept aside. But after every game it was the same; question after question that had nothing at all to do with playing ball. How would he define his relationship with his manager? Did he see himself as a role model for LGBT kids? Was he going to support any GSA associated charities? Were wedding bells on the horizon for him and Jude any time soon? It was incessant, and exhausting.

Keeping his cool was harder each time. No matter how many hot massages and scented baths he shared with Jude, he couldn’t seem to get comfortable for any substantial length of time. He spent hours a night staring at the ceiling, listening to Jude breathing softly beside him, cursing himself for not coming out years ago. If he had, maybe they would all give his relationship some damn privacy. Then again, maybe not. Every moment of their time outside the house was picked apart and analysed. If they held hands, the press said Jude was ‘clingy’ or Zero was ‘too possessive’. If they were more than two feet apart, apparently their relationship was ‘on the rocks’. It was almost funny, how the reporters that camped across the street were so fucking desperate, they’d make any old shit up. Worse still, was that horrible voice at the back of his head that whispered that any publicity was good publicity.

Zero knew he was being distant. Though Jude was doing his best, Zero could see him becoming frustrated at his attitude. He wished, passionately and desperately, that he could rewind to the beginning, and cherish that private time they’d shared back then. But Zero had pissed it all away by being a total dick to Jude. And now they’d never get that quiet, easy exchange back. Sometimes, Jude just wanted to focus on business - Zero on playing ball. There was more to life than their relationship: not that you’d know it, if you watched the News for more than ten minutes.

Jude was the only person he’d really, truly loved. Zero had never had a parental figure that was worth a damn, nor any friends or pseudo-siblings that he actually connected with genuinely. He’d never loved anyone, wasn’t even convinced he was actually capable of it until Jude. He resolved to pull his head out of his ass. Because after all was said and done, Jude was in his life and in his bed every night, gracing his days with that beautiful crooked smile and whispering that he loved him on an almost daily basis. Life was pretty fucking good.

-

It started pretty innocently. Jude was pushing for endorsement from some safe-sex campaign, and over the course of the discussions, he got that pinched look on his face, which Zero absolutely couldn’t resist teasing the meaning out of. Somehow, he’d managed to get himself roped into a full body check-up, because Jude was worried about his formerly promiscuous sex life, even though always Zero wrapped his junk up. Which didn’t make for a very compelling argument, since he’d gone bareback with Jude more than once, but come on! Zero was clean, and Jude was a virgin before they hooked up. It’s not like he’d ever risk that with anyone else. Jude had scoffed at that, and Zero couldn’t really blame him. Plus, he wouldn’t put it past that skeevy-ass Lucas to be a carrier for something nasty, so in the end they had both gotten a full screening, and received a clean bill of health. Hello front covers, middle-page spreads and tv infomercials. Goodbye condoms. (Apart from the fancy glow-in-the-dark, ridged, flavoured ones they’d been given free in a Victoria’s Secret catwalk party goody-bag. Those ones were rad as hell and Jude made these _noises_ whenever Zero wore a purple one covered in little bumps-)

They both had busy schedules, and though Jude made every effort to be present at all of Zero’s meetings, photo shoots and games, there were times when he had to go to his actual office and chase up sponsors. Sign forms. All that boring legal shit which Zero left to Jude, because he knew Jude would always put his interests first. So it wasn’t completely unheard of, for his boyfriend to decline a lunch-date and nooner, because of unavoidable work stuff. Zero understood it was necessary. He had a strong work ethic himself, and they always managed to catch up later. If Jude seemed to beg off more often than usual, after they’d both gotten a full physical, well, that was just the way life went sometimes.  
  
If Jude seemed to kiss him more often, to cling to him more desperately when they made love- and it was making love now, not just fucking – well, they both missed each other. It didn’t mean nothing in particular. Right?

-

Zero made a habit of ignoring most of the tabloid junk written about his relationship with Jude. He consented to very few official interviews, and even less that demanded he talk about his lover. So he was often out of the loop of the latest gossip, though Jude passed on the important stuff. So he was fairly blind-sided by the smirks, glib remarks and sympathetic side-eyes he received at practice. Eventually he snapped, and asked what the other Devils were on about. He was surprised when they redirected his ire toward a well-known celebrity tattle website. Intrigued and annoyed enough to check it out, Zero felt bile rise in his throat at the image of Jude, sitting outside at a cosy table for two. Along with an attractive older guy, during what was obviously a lunch date. The other man was a dark brunette, with hair just beginning to grey at the temples, and a strong jawline. He looked a little like Lucas, and it took everything Zero had, to resist throwing his phone across the nearly deserted locker room. Or punching Derek Roman’s smug face. The photo made the situation seem intimate, but it couldn’t be like that. Jude wouldn’t _do_ him like that. He wouldn’t.

Jude was always taking potential supporters and investors out for company lunches. This guy was probably just some boss of a fashion house, or perfume company, that wanted Zero to promote their products. He racked his brain, trying to remember when Jude had worn that purple shirt. Two, no, three days ago. But the article had only been posted that morning, so they’d held off on releasing it, until it there was room on their trashy blog. Zero shut down the webpage in disgust. He wasn’t going to be _that guy_ – the overly possessive douchebag, who jumped to conclusions and believed rumours over common sense. Jude loved him, he believed that; truly and deeply. Jude believed in Zero more than everyone else ever had, combined, and he deserved better than this ugly suspicion. Zero intended to spend the rest of his life being the kind of guy Jude deserved. This was his fresh start, his do-over to get it right. He wasn’t about to sully that with poisonous accusations.

But his curiosity was aroused, nonetheless, and he made up his mind to ask Jude about the potential new sponsor. Later that evening, when they were chilling in his pad. Which Jude had basically moved into after the fallout of their court-side kiss. Jude would have some innocent explanation, and Zero would laugh at his own stupid insecurity, before kissing his boyfriend senseless. It would all be fine.


	2. Chapter 2

It was not fine.

Zero didn’t even manage to subtly ask about new endorsements, before Jude was pre-emptively cancelling on their unspoken Friday lunch date. Which was really more of an excuse to make out in Jude’s office for a few hours before the game that night. Friday lunch was becoming dangerously close to a couple’s routine, one which Zero secretly adored. He’d never had traditions he shared with other people before. His own personal victory dances whenever a scheme came together, yes, his own private celebrations. But nothing he could intimately share with another person.  
  
Jude was the first person he’d ever made space for in his life, and now it seemed like Jude was rejecting that spot Zero had painstakingly carved out. It was dangerously close to heartbreak, and Zero was getting cold flushes just thinking about it. At allowing the possibility to even enter his brain.  
  
He’d always been angry at himself, embarrassed almost, to be so possessively jealous over Jude. The idea of other men pawing at his agent had offended him, even while they weren’t doing their on-again/off-again dance. He saw red whenever he considered that Lucas had actually put hands on Jude; had been in Jude’s bed. Knew what Jude’s o-face looked like, had tasted his lips and felt his body… Zero’s hands clenched into fists, picturing it. Knowing that scum had touched Jude. Someone so unworthy of Jude’s affection.

If Zero was a stronger man, he would have resisted Jude himself, for that same reason. His own hands were far from clean and he would only taint Jude by touching him. His presence was poison - he wasn’t deserving of being Jude’s man. It should be someone far better, a truly good person, who got to hug Jude and see him at his most vulnerable, comfort him and make love to him and fall asleep beside him each night. It was a privilege he had been afforded, because for some unfathomable reason, Jude loved him. Despite his many flaws. And Zero was a weak man; he clung to that love, completely undeserving of it, because he cherished Jude. And he needed him like he’d never needed anyone. For some reason, Jude had taken him back, and Zero had no plans of ever taking that for granted.

But if he thought it was what Jude truly wanted, Zero would force himself to leave the younger man alone. Properly this time. Because Jude’s comfort was more important than his own desires. He’d learnt that the hard way when he’d dicked around with Jude’s emotions so much that Jude had left him, and the Devils, in order to protect himself from the emotional strain. Zero would take himself out, permanently, before he did that to Jude again.

Which was why he didn’t push for a deeper explanation, after Jude said he would be ‘busy’. Jude was no chef, but he made decent pasta, which they were currently sharing, while Jude bestowed him with those adorable little grins. Like he was still surprised to be sitting here, in Zero’s million dollar house, doing ‘real couple’ stuff. Zero could only hope his answering smiles didn’t look too ‘photoshoot’ fake. There had to be a reason why Jude was pulling away, and it was probably something Zero himself had done.

Had he been neglecting Jude? Or being too clingy? It was so hard to know what to do in a ‘regular’ relationship, seeing as he’d never been in a real one before. Did normal people get confused by this shit, or was it just him? Zero was so used to being ahead of the crowd, at the front of the trend, that finding himself swept away by his own emotions was disconcerting to say the least. It had been a long time since he had felt this uncomfortable in his own skin. He doubted he’d been so withdrawn since he’d discovered dumbbells.

He did his best to compensate by focusing all his attention on Jude’s pleasure. Zero thrust in hard and deep, revelling in the way Jude tightened his thighs around his hips. Jude clawed at his back, moaning and whimpering at the relentless pace, followed by Zero grinding his dick agonisingly slowly inside him, focusing on all the spots that made Jude squirm. When they were done, Zero had succeeded in making Jude come without even touching Jude’s dick. Twice.

“Jesus,” Jude muttered as they lay panting, side-by-side, afterward. The covers and most of the pillows had been rucked to the floor during their enthusiasm. They were awkwardly tangled among the bedsheets, which had come untucked from the mattress. Sweaty, sticky and exhausted. Zero felt like he’d just done 5 rounds with Mike Tyson. But it was a good ache; satisfactory. Knowing he had pleased Jude was the best feeling in the word.

Zero slept as peacefully as the dead that night, anxiety all but forgotten.

-

It all came screeching back to him the next day. The reminder that Jude wouldn’t be there to meet him after practice, to offer support and encouragement before the game that night. Zero spent the day in a haze, barely present at the tactics meeting, missing easy passes, failing to see the plays as they unfolded in front of his face.

It was a stinging realisation to know that he wasn’t even mad about Jude looking elsewhere. Zero was a shitty choice of life partner; Jude could do so much better. Zero felt truly pathetic admitting it, but he didn’t care if Jude was screwing around on him, so long as he didn’t leave. Lord knew Zero had his fair share of loveless sex; if that’s all it was, it would be okay, no matter how much it hurt. Provided Jude was being safe and it was all consensual, maybe he could find a way to let Jude know he was alright with their relationship being ‘open’.

Zero didn’t want anyone else, but he didn’t want Jude to feel limited. Zero had been the first guy Jude had been with. No wonder he wanted to play and explore. He still had so much to learn about what he liked. So long as it wasn’t love, wasn’t a relationship which threatened to take Jude away from him, Zero would learn to deal with it. But the idea that it _could_ be love; that Jude might leave him again, that was too much to handle. It made him sick to his stomach, and Zero was getting frantic, not knowing.

Unsurprisingly, Pete benched him. Zero couldn’t even blame the guy; his head was anywhere but in the game. It was splattered on the floor somewhere, along with the shredded remains of his heart.

Zero had called Jude’s office, since he was supposed to be there - only to be informed that Jude was out at an appointment. Jude had blatantly lied to his face, when he said he needed to hole up in his office, and complete paperwork before the game. Though it was possible someone had asked for an emergency meeting, somehow Zero doubted it. All that screaming doubt came roaring back with a vengeance. It was deafening.

Before he knew what he was doing, he’d booked an appointment with Lionel over the weekend. He had to get to the bottom of this situation one way or the other. Jude’s stepmother was the only other person Zero knew of, that genuinely loved Jude. She would help put him out of his misery; one way or the other.


	3. Chapter 3

Jude met him courtside before the game, obviously startled to see Zero on the bench, rather than mingling with the other top players, cramming on last-minute strategy. The look on his face spoke of dual confusion and concern. He hastily approached, dropping down into a crouch, close enough to be heard in the loud stadium.

“What’s going on?” He hissed, clearly worried, “Were you injured during practice?”

Jude’s face was so open and honest, his tone so genuine, that Zero could almost forget how devious his boyfriend could be. That Jude could call on darker depths when he needed to. Just because he legitimately cared for Zero, didn’t mean he hadn’t just come from some clandestine liaison with another guy. He promptly hated himself for thinking this way. It seemed too tacky to be Jude’s style. Zero pursed his lips, not sure what approach to take, to get Jude’s furrowed brow to smooth out into that beautiful, relaxed face he adored.

He settled on an awkward grin. “Nah. Pete just wants me rested for the second half.”

Jude wasn’t prepared to be set at ease so smoothly. “Bullshit,” he snapped, “You’re fighting fit. What gives?”

Zero opened his mouth with a smirk, about to brush Jude off with some quip about fighting for the covers at night, before following up with a lie about game strategy.

“Don’t lie to me,” Jude glared at him, pulling no punches. Zero squirmed uncomfortably, unnerved by the way Jude could see through him a way no one else had ever done.

“Pete said I was ‘too distracted’ to play straight off. I think he’s still pissed about the media firestorm.” Zero hedged his bets, and Jude seemed to buy it.

It wasn’t entirely untrue. Pete was pissed. But he was pissed about a lot of things, Zero just one of many annoyances, and not exactly high up on his shit list. Not while Oscar, Lionel, not to mention Terrence and Jelena, still existed.

“You were on top of the world last night, what changed?” Jude fixed him with a look, sternly concerned. He seemed to forget they were in such a public place, talking as though they had the whole wide room to themselves. Like he honestly expected Zero to open up, here and now.

Zero shrugged helplessly, unable to find the words.

The buzzer sounded to indicate play was about to begin, and Jude stretched reluctantly, gearing up to leave. Since he was technically Zero's personal agent again, at least until they found a replacement for Lucas, regardless of his EVP status Jude wasn’t really allowed to remain court-side during play. Jude had excellent, complimentary season tickets though. Zero felt the irrational urge to grab hold of him; cling onto Jude, the way a small child does to its mother. He suddenly felt very alone.

Something must have shown on his face, because Jude leaned in for a swift kiss before he left; a simple reassurance. Zero was the one who turned it into true PDA. Deepening it, with a flash of tongue. Which would no doubt be analysed to death on TMZ, due to the amateur camera-work from all the cell phones behind them, wielded by the hands of the hungry crowd.

He found he really didn’t give a shit about that, when Jude brushed along his cheek with his soft fingers, tracing Zero’s scruff reverently. He was always so gentle, and it sent shivers down Zero’s spine. No one had ever treated him like something fragile, before Jude; someone to be savoured, not rushed over or brushed aside. It made him greedy for more, each time.

But Jude had to take his seat eventually, and they broke apart, appropriately breathless.

“I love you,” Jude whispered into his ear before he stood up and tugged out the wrinkles in his suit. Zero only had time to answer wordlessly; a smug grin, proud that he was the only one to receive Jude’s words. That he was the one that got to take him home.

-

If Lionel was surprised to be having this impromptu meeting, she didn’t show it. She was always collected and calm, something Zero respected in a person. Her gaze was frosty on him though, and carried none of the affection it did whenever she looked at her stepson.

Zero cut to the chase, because neither of them had time for bullshit.

“I’m worried about Jude.”

Lionel raised one perfectly sculptured eyebrow. “Oh?”

She didn’t say anything else, waiting for him to elaborate. Indicating that she wasn’t going to lift a finger to push the conversation forwards, letting Zero do all the work. It was exactly the kind of bitch move Zero commended her for.

“He’s been quiet lately, and being secretive about who he’s meeting, where he’s going.” Zero said, trying for nonchalant, though he had a feeling he’d missed the mark, when Lionel leant forward to fix him with her icy blue eyes. He hoped his voice had at least not sounded as tense as he felt.

“Are you worried _for_ Jude, or are you worried about what... or _who_ , Jude is doing when you aren’t there?”

Damn, but the woman was good. Zero refused to flinch, but couldn’t stop himself from shifting nervously in his seat. He was opening himself up to her mockery by allowing her to see his vulnerability in this situation, and had it been for anyone but Jude, Zero would rather have laid on a bed of fire-ants than open up.

“I dunno. Both?” Zero winced at his own indecisiveness. Lionel clicked her tongue.

“You don’t really think Jude is running around on you.” She spoke like the idea was ludicrous, and she was probably right. And yet, that niggling little doubt remained.

“No,” Zero conceded, “Not seriously. But something’s up.”

“And what do you expect me to do about it?” Her tone wasn’t harsh, but genuinely curious. “Talk to him?”

“God, no. I just want to know who he’s having his secret little meetings with. You know people, right?”

She narrowed her eyes, squinting at him as though assessing if he was being serious. Seeing that he was, she amped it up to a glare. “You want me to have Jude tailed?”

Saying it out loud made it seem way more shady. Zero wanted to sink into the couch cushions and disappear, or go back in time and punch his past self in the throat before he ever had chance to put through the call to Lionel’s PA.

“I just want to know who he’s having lunch with, when he told me he was in the office. It’s probably just a campaign he’s lining up as a surprise or something, I know, but…”

She sighed, looking extremely put upon. “For all we know, he’s getting blackmailed, or else Oscar is trying to get at him through one of his contacts. That’s the only reason I’m agreeing to do this.”

Zero lurched forward, blushing something fierce when he caught himself doing it. Why hadn’t he thought of that? He felt like a complete fool. Lionel’s suggestions were way more likely, for all that they were much more dramatic. It was exactly the kind of move Oscar would pull. Zero had been so entrenched in his narcissistic tendency to believe everything in Jude’s life was geared towards him, that he’d forgotten that there was a whole other angle to Jude where basketball was concerned. Nothing twisted Jude up like Oscar, and of course Jude would bottle that up and hide it; to protect Zero as much as himself.

He barely even registered her agreement to his plan, he was so caught up in all the new and terrifying possibilities. Once he snapped back to his surroundings, he realised what she had said. Before he could thank her, she lifted up her hand to stop him.

“Don’t thank me. Just get out of my office.”

Zero allowed himself an arrogant smirk. “Yes ma’am.”

It was rapidly changing into a game he felt like he could win. He was back on sure footing again; he’d find a way to out-manoeuvre Jude’s oppressors, and everything would go back to the way it should be.


	4. Chapter 4

Lionel called him the following day, just as he was getting into his car to drive to the stadium. Why she couldn’t have waited a half hour to tell him in person was anyone’s guess – maybe she didn’t want to have to deal with the fallout in such a public venue. Zero almost didn’t pick up out of mere spite. Maybe he was just too chicken-shit to actually listen to the answers he’d practically begged her for. In the end though, that itch of curiosity was too much. Jude was still inside; Zero had vague ideas about offering him a lift, if she told him something they could discuss during the ride.

She was brisk and to the point, like always, but her tone was worryingly kind. “I can’t speak as to what the meeting last week was about. But the man in question isn’t a business owner or agent.”

Zero felt like someone had crept up behind him and poured ice water down the back of his shirt. So it was someone trying to shake down Jude after all, or else… another man trying to get into his boyfriend’s pants. He was strong enough to deal with either scenario though; he had to be, for Jude. To win his freedom, or else win back his affection if it had started to stray.

“So hit me with it,” Zero croaked. Like ripping off a band-aid, he needed the blow to be fast and honest.

Lionel clicked her tongue, still avoiding the inevitable. “Are you driving? Pull over.”

Zero’s anxiety sky-rocketed as though it had jet-propelled engines. “I haven’t set off yet,” he replied, “I’m sitting in my car. Outside my house, that Jude is about to come out of, to ask me why I’m still here.”

That was obviously not what Lionel wanted to hear. “Maybe I should have waited, but I guess it’s too late to convince you to come in now.”

“Damn right it is. Will you just put me out of my misery, already? What is he, one of your acting buddies? Ex-model, politician, mogul?”

“None of the above,” she sighed, seeing the battle was un-winable. “His name is Dr Ramesh Chandra, and he’s a pre-eminent consulting oncologist.”

“On- wait. That’s for cancer, right?”

Her silence said it all. Before he cut her off, she begged him not to jump to conclusions; charity endorsements existed after all. Neither of them mentioned that Jude would have been talking to the charity’s PR team, not a consultant. Maybe Jude really was lining up Zero’s replacement. The other possibilities were too horrific to contemplate.

It was darkly amusing to think that Zero had believed, just a few precious minutes ago, that their worst problem was getting dirt on someone, and exposing the dickwadd twisting the screws on Jude. A whole new steaming pile of shit had just fallen into his lap, and he had literally no experience telling him how to deal with clearing it.

Dimly, he recognised his hands were shaking. He felt about ten degrees more freezing than the cheerful LA sunshine would have suggested. It was like his brain was a skipping record, or else stuck on repeat. He could only seem to hear a loop of Lionel’s soft words. She had been gentle with him, promising to tell Pete a redacted version of why he wouldn’t make practice. She was trying to be kind. What was it they said, about killing with kindness? All at once it seemed like the most important thing in the world to know. If he could only force himself to remember the correct phrase, he could get a lock on the rest of the situation. Like he could wrestle back control; as if such a thing were even possible. Cancer wasn’t an opponent Zero could lay out with a punch, or destroy in the press. All of his fore-knowledge was useless.

When he came back to himself, he had no idea how long Jude had been standing in front of him, trying to get his attention. How loud he had been calling his name, before Zero registered the feel of Jude’s hands on him. He’d reached into the convertible, and was squeezing Zero’s shoulders in an effort to reach him. When Zero finally looked up and took note of Jude’s expression, his boyfriend sagged with relief.

“Jesus, Zero, you scared the life out of me. I called your name like ten times. Where did you go? What are you even still doing here - you came out a half hour ago.”

Had it only been such a short time since his world imploded? It seemed like days had passed, such was the sluggish, slow pace of grief. Zero practically threw himself out of the car and into Jude’s arms, with a haste that Jude clearly wasn’t prepared for. They lurched sideways precariously, before managing to right themselves without major incident. Zero was shivering, still cold, and Jude, catching up to the programme, clasped him tight, his arms wrapped carefully around Zero’s neck.

“Talk to me,” he whispered, “Please.”

Zero could tell he was scaring him, but it wasn’t easy to open up. He had around three false starts before he could finally bring himself to tilt backward, putting some space between them. But he didn’t completely remove himself from the safety of Jude’s embrace. He kept his hands firmly in place on the small of Jude’s back - he just wanted to hold him, for however long he could get away with.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” he muttered, unable to raise his voice, lest it make the conversation more real.

It was the wrong opener to go with; Jude’s face crumpled in confusion, and he slid further back from him, his arms trailing down from Zero’s neck to rest his hands against the meat of the baller’s biceps.

“About your meeting with the cancer doctor.” Zero clarified, glancing away at different cars in the lot before his gaze finally bounced back to Jude’s face. He didn’t want to read the hard truths he might find there.

“You know about that?” Jude croaked, fearfully.

“Lionel just called me.”

Jude frowned, still out of the loop. “But how did she even know?”

Zero didn’t want to get into the details of it, but he figured a version of the truth was his best bet. “I asked her to look into it. I thought maybe, you went on a date.”

Jude blinked, his face the very picture of sheer perplexion. “Without you? You thought I was dating… someone else?”

Zero shrugged. It was the least of his worries now, and surprisingly the better alternative. LA celebs were notorious for avoiding clinics, so the press didn’t catch wind of their illnesses before they were ready to expose them. He didn’t want to consider the possibility that Jude had done the same.

“Was the meeting about endorsing a charity? Cancer research? Or… are you sleeping with him? Please tell me he was just pushing for a date, and it’s not. Not. You know.”

Jude laughed, but it was completely without mirth. His mouth was a wry twist, and his eyes suspiciously glassy. He managed to meet Zero’s frantic gaze, but utterly failed to sooth him with his following words.

“If only. No… I. No endorsements.” Jude cleared his throat, struggling to speak. His tone was like gravel. “No dates.”

He paused to collect himself. His gaze was far away; directed somewhere over Zero's left shoulder. The world had narrowed down into just the two of them, and not in the comforting, cosy way it usually did. It was currently a very lonely, bleak place to be.

When Jude finally spoke, his eyes sought Zero’s again. Jude’s usually warm brown eyes were hollow, like a man condemned to the gallows.

“I’m sick.”


	5. Chapter 5

It was funny how a few words could bring a person’s life crashing down around their ears. All of Zero’s confident assurance to deal with Jude’s rivals, in work or play, was now shot to hell. How could you psych out an insidious disease? The biggest silent killer in the world, which dedicated scientists across the globe still couldn’t cure 100%. Even the treatments themselves were poison. Jude would get far worse before he got better… if he got better.

Zero was potentially facing life without him, when they’d only just gotten their lives to align properly in the first place. They’d wasted so much time, when they could have been happy together. It was sheer chance that Jude decided to come back in the first place. If things hadn’t lined up the way they had, Zero might still be suffering from a severe case of head-up-ass. Jude could have been anywhere, with no support at all. No one to hold him the way Zero was doing now.

“Nothing’s confirmed yet,” Jude mumbled from Zero’s chest region, where his head was currently pillowed. “They only said there were confusing readings on my scans. Inflammation of my joints. Once they’d ruled out the small stuff, they wanted to eliminate the hard hitters. I didn’t react right to the drugs they gave me, so they don’t know what it is. It’s important to catch it early, and I guess they didn’t fancy being sued for not being thorough.”

“So it might not be cancer?” Zero seized on that, the way a drowning man claws his way onto a floating piece of shipwreck.

Jude sighed, and Zero squeezed him tighter. As if he could keep Jude safe by his sheer force of presence.

“There’s a few possibilities left, but nothing extremely likely. Arthritis, and so on.”

Zero let his eyes fall closed, wanting to block out the world and all the injustice in it. If he lay perfectly still in this bed, he could almost convince himself the last few hours hadn’t happened. Ignoring the fact he was fully dressed, it was as if he’d woken up in the early sunlight, with Jude soft and warm and safe in his arms.

He had never enjoyed intimate exchanges with anyone but Jude. Never been a cuddler. He recognised now it was due to the simple fact he’d never loved anyone before. There had never been a person he could just lie with quietly, listening to them talk about their day, laugh at their jokes or simply breathe beside; things he had instinctually learned to do with Jude. Now, it was a privilege to do so.

Zero didn't have to front with Jude. He'd never had any relationship where the mask wasn't a requirement at all times. Never let himself get close, bare his sins and open up his tough exterior to reveal the soft centre within. Other people were usually exhausting, because Zero was lying to them with every flicker of his gaze. It hadn't been that way with Jude for years. He'd never intended to let anyone in, past his defences to simply exist alongside him. But he'd let Jude breeze right in, as though he was expected; as if Zero had always left room for him unconsciously, and now he was properly slotted into his designated space.

Before Jude, Zero had usually been one and done; in and out, no ties. Purposefully taking guys and girls back to their own cribs. He kept them out of his private spaces, so it was easy to blow out of there as soon as he was no longer feeling them. The odd flings that had continued more than one night had never lasted long; Zero hadn't ever felt the urge to share any of the ‘real’ him, the one buried so deep, he often forgot there was anything more than the image he portrayed now. You couldn't build a real relationship on such fakery.

Jude was the only person Zero greedily coveted the time of. He wanted Jude in his bed, in this shower, in his tub, in his walk-in closet. Hell, he wanted Jude in his kitchen. Domestic couple-life had seemed gag worthy before, but now Zero could spend hours watching Jude clanging kitchen appliances together in doomed attempts to cook, swearing at the complicated coffee machine, pulling faces at the scent of Zero’s shampoo. Everything he did was charming, even when it wasn’t, because Jude was the one that was doing it.

Sometimes, Zero coaxed him into joint showers without sex anywhere on his mind. Jude was very much a soap and water boy, but Zero got freebies and indulged himself in luxurious products just because he could. As a child, no one ever thought he was worth splashing out on; Zero spent $50 on aftershave, as a way to spite long-distant foster parents who had resented buying him new trainers, each time his old ones wore out from playing ball from dawn till dusk. Jude was horrified by all of his extensive collection; he brought a razor, 2-in-1, and shaving foam when he began spending days at a time in Zero’s place. Zero had responded by tossing that cheap garbage and slavering Jude in Dead Sea salt and frankincense body wash, lathering up his protesting boyfriend in white tea and coconut shampoo and basically pampering the shit out of him until he caved. Jude still pulled out an epic grimace whenever he saw the bill for beauty products alone, but Zero softened the blow by shopping online, so Jude didn’t have to watch him hand over hundreds of dollars at the counter.  Jude deserved only the best, of everything Zero could provide, of anything.

But now, all his little concessions seemed so petty. So he had let Jude stay the night, given him a key and hounded him to use a better brand of conditioner, so what? It amounted to little in the end. There had to be a way to show Jude he would move heaven and earth for him, if he could, without causing a scene in public this time. For all that Jude had wanted a visible, acknowledged relationship, he too hadn’t been prepared for the backlash of causing such a scandal.

Most of all, Zero just wanted to lie here in this bed and push away the rest of the world and all its responsibilities. He didn’t want to share Jude with the the ever-growing population at the best of times. Now, when their time together was on the threshold of being threatened, Zero needed to find a way to cement their life together. He felt an urge to prove to Jude that he was needed, and not just for what he could provide Zero’s career. They’d exploited their newly exposed relationship, milking it in the press just because they could. And because no one would shut up about Zero anyway, so they might as well use the free attention to promote his stardom.

Now, Zero wanted a private showcase of his affection, something purely for Jude. He must have been feeling so isolated and adrift, carrying the weight of this secret, but Zero knew why he had kept it. Jude was still terrified of being a burden, seemingly worried that one day Zero might believe he’d made a mistake, and kick him to the curb, despite what they’d been through. It appeared an unconscious fear. Jude never voiced any self-deprecating remarks, though it showed on his face at times. He was always so surprised at the sweet nothings Zero would whisper into his hair, sometimes when the hour was late.

Zero needed to prove that he was in it for the long haul; that Jude had been right to trust in him. He wasn’t going anywhere, no matter how ugly the illness - regardless of all the dark times ahead.

Jude eventually dropped off to sleep again, his hair tickling Zero’s chin, one hand clutching his boyfriend’s t-shirt. It was that reminder, that Jude was his boyfriend, and they were doing average couple stuff. An idea waltzed into Zero's brain, fully formed, one that allowed Zero to create an active plan. He suddenly knew exactly what kind of gesture of affection to make, to demonstrate his commitment.


	6. Chapter 6

Zero had a chef that came in four days a week, to prepare what he called ‘a rich man’s ready meals’. Fantastic concoctions with the very best ingredients, prepared fresh, that he could either have as lunch, or dinner. Some of it needed re-heating, but that just gave the food more time to marinate in the sauce and spices. The man was called Marcel, and Zero trusted him to be discreet. Jude had found him, and he had been even less expandable since they’d come out as a couple.

Marcel treated the press he had to wade through as a mere annoyance, like flies barely bothering a loyal dog. He had nothing to say about the change in Zero and Jude’s relationship status, save for asking Jude to give him a list of his favourite meals and restaurants. So he could learn to prepare what Jude liked best, exactly how he liked it, and asking Zero if he would like him to routinely buy more food. (The other great thing about him was the fact he did all the food shopping. Zero gave him an allowance, and Marcel spent it on whatever he needed to make his meals the bomb. He never asked for proof the chef wasn’t short-changing him, but Marcel never failed to leave his receipts in the kitchen, after he’d put all the ingredients in their new home anyway.)

Zero frequently asked him to prepare large scale meals when he had guests, and to organise the catering whenever he had parties. The man was a connoisseur, and his wages were Zero’s the most important outgoing expense each month. He’d be utterly lost in his own kitchen otherwise. Without being asked, Marcel prepared special meals for festivals, even ones Zero didn’t celebrate, like Thanksgiving. (What did he ever have to be thankful for, before Jude? Only himself.) The chef could cook a six-course extravaganza at the drop of a hat.

So it wasn’t entirely out of character for Zero to blow up his phone with last minute requests. Hoping the man wasn’t busy, Zero laid out all his ideas while Jude continued to sleep, blissfully unaware of the storm his boyfriend was brewing. Then he moved on to the others that he needed in on his scheme.  
  
Lionel replied to his messages with a series of texts, each with steadily increasing shock, and demands if he were serious. She tried calling him, but he declined, and reminded her what he’d already said in the beginning; Jude was asleep. Eventually, she reluctantly agreed to his ideas and promised to keep everything on the down low. Though she didn’t seem convinced that Jude would go for it. Zero had a contingency plan for that though, and if Jude had an unexpected spanner to put in the works, they could still have a nice meal, drinks with Lionel afterwards, and still have a pleasant evening together.

When Jude re-awoke, he seemed surprised by how gently Zero kissed him. And then asked him to go home for his passport, and birth certificate.

“I’m booking us a vacation,” Zero explained, “They require birth certificates, with this airline to Hawaii.”

It wasn’t a complete lie. He just didn’t go into details about what type of trip it was, exactly. Lionel had promised to secure them a long weekend off, after the important upcoming game. Pete would no doubt be furious, but Zero really didn’t give a fuck. He was only guaranteed one lifetime to spend with Jude, and he had every intention of enjoying it to the full. Who didn’t want to vacation in Hawaii with the one they loved?

-

Perplexed but obedient, after a fabulous lunch Jude did as he was bid, leaving to go to his place for the relevant documents. Which allowed Zero to let in the co-ordinators he’d called. He led them out to his pool and showed them want he wanted to be set up on the veranda and throughout the garden. White roses and trees draped in hanging lights. Classy shit only; nothing garish. It wouldn’t take them long, and he explained the importance for secrecy and leaving by the back entrance. He had no doubt the press would be intrigued, but he’d asked his other guest to be discreet, and not to arrive in anything that spelled out his intention. The nice lady that showed up obviously had no idea who he was, which was a blessing. He didn’t have to dance around her being star-struck, or hungry to sell the story.

When Jude came home, he’d laid out the suit he wanted him to wear. It was brand new, not tainted by any other association, and light grey, coloured for summer. Zero found something similar, not wanting to wear anything white or beige.

Jude continued to eye him suspiciously, but went along with it, for which Zero was ridiculously grateful. He didn’t fancy trying to obscure the truth right at that moment, not with the way he was struggling to speak around the lump in his throat. They enjoyed leisurely kisses when Jude emerged from the shower, and re-dressed.

“Come on, tell me where we’re going. Otherwise I’m going to strip you out of this,” Jude said, tugging on Zero’s silk tie, “and keep you right here instead.”

Zero couldn’t stop himself from grinning like an idiot. He loved this man so much. How could he ever survive without him? He never wanted to try.

“We’re staying right here.” He replied, utterly charmed by Jude’s answering confusion.

“So why the suit?” Jude asked.

Zero lifted one of his hands, and placed a soft kiss on his knuckles.

“You’ll see. Meet me in the garden in ten.”

It was all laid out exactly like he had specified. The table for two was decked to the nines, food already out, laid underneath a literal silver platter to keep it warm. White roses tastefully decorated the scene, bunches wrapped round an arch, tied in place by flowing white ribbon. The evening was mild; perfect for eating outdoors. The twilight was silently gathering; twinkling lights strung all around gave off a cosy, inviting glow. Zero stood still to look it over, pleased with how it all come together. Jude was obviously impressed too, if the loud inhale of air that came from behind him was any indication.

“When did you have time to do all of this?”

Zero turned toward his current statue of a boyfriend, and shrugged with a lazy smirk. “While you were sleeping.”

For a moment, Jude seemed too stunned to react. Then he was charging into Zero’s space, that same intense look on his face that he always got, when he planned on kissing the hell out of him. Zero was not disappointed, but soon wrestled for control of the kiss. Getting hot and heavy right now would put a crimp on his plans, and besides, there would be time for that later, if all went well. There was only one tonight.

Taking hold of Jude’s hand he lead him to his seat, allowing them to catch their breath. He was being a perfect gentleman tonight; he pulled out Jude’s chair and tucked him back in, enjoying the pleased smile he was flashed for the unexpected action.

The meal came together without a hitch. Marcel had outdone himself, which was nothing less than Zero expected. He savoured the taste of lobster on his tongue, chasing it down with the best Muscat money could import from France. He giggled like a little child at the disgust on Jude’s face at the sight of oysters, and then bullied him into eating one anyway. It was as close to bliss as Zero could ever imagine.

As they polished off their delicate desert, which Marcel had discreetly replaced their empty plates with, Jude eyed the champagne which had remained corked. But Zero held off, taking hold of his hand across the table when Jude set down his empty fork.

“I love you.” he said, figuring it was best to begin with what he knew.

Jude grinned, large and uninhibited. “I know. And this was wonderful, really. Thank you. It’s just… it’s all just perfect.”

“The night’s not over yet.” Zero reminded him, squeezing his hand when Jude tangled their fingers together. “I’m not great with speeches. I mean, as Zero, I can put myself out there, but it’s been so long since Gideon wanted to say anything at all.”

Jude blinked, his eyes suddenly serious. He could easily read the change in Zero’s tone, and he leant forward, clearly laser-focusing his attention. Preparing to sweep aside his own issues to listen to Zero open up about his. What had he ever done to deserve someone who cared for him so selflessly? Zero allowed himself another smirk. He loved this man more than he had ever believed it possible.

Zero cleared his throat, eager to continue. “So I’m just going to keep this short. I love you, and I don’t ever want to be without you.”

Jude smiled, eyes shimmering in the low light. “And you won’t be. I’m not going anywhere. Not if I can help it.”

“I know.” Zero nodded, steeling himself for his next move.

As gracefully as he could manage, he slid to the floor, carefully arranging himself on one knee. Jude’s eyebrows flew to somewhere around the region of his hairline, and his mouth opened in an adorable little gape, still beautiful, even in a state of total shock.

“Will you marry me?”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all your comments! More comments mean more chapters, cause I always write faster when I am motivated by lovely words. I promise I will reply when I have time to thank each and every one of you darling readers. Sorry for the cliffhanger, especially because I won't be able to update until Thursday at the very earliest! xx


	7. Chapter 7

“You’re actually asking me?” Jude’s voice came out like a croak, his lower lip trembling. “Just… because I might be really sick?”

Zero’s stomach dropped. That had not been the response he had been looking for.

Jude hurried to reassure him; “I love you. So much. And I’m flattered, really I am, but Zero, you don’t have to do all this to make me feel… special? Better?”

That wasn’t a ‘no’. That was Jude giving Zero an out before he made a choice he couldn’t take back.

Jude looked devastated to be offering it. Like everything he’d ever wanted was slipping away from him, right in front of his eyes; and there was nothing he could do about it.

Zero couldn’t understand why Jude would be feeling that way, when he had just asked him to tie their lives together permanently. Instead, he was giving Zero the chance to back out instead of grabbing on with both hands; which was Jude all over. But he recognised that sinking loss of hope shining out of Jude’s gaze. Jude was scared.

Fear of commitment had always been Zero’s deal, not his. Jude was always pushing for some reassurance that what they had was genuine, an acknowledgement that it was real. It didn’t make sense that they could flip positions so easy, and yet here they were. There had to be more that Jude wasn’t saying. Zero swallowed the hurt that had speared him when Jude didn’t immediately jump for joy.

They hadn’t been together long, when all was said and done, and most of that time Zero had been adamant that they weren't a thing at all. Then he’d gone and outed them publicly without consulting Jude first, only to turn around the next day and say he regretted it. Though he’d had chance to explain what he’d really meant by that, no wonder Jude was uneasy. He probably didn’t want Zero to make another big decision only to denounce it later. Cooling off a relationship was one thing; it was quite another to back out of an engagement. That was the kind of thing that broke up a couple for good.

He needed to convince Jude that they belonged together, and he was just speeding up the inevitable.

“I know you think I’m rushing into this, and maybe you’re right.” Zero swallowed thickly, “But I’ve never felt this way about anyone. Ever. And I don’t want to. You’re it for me Jude, and I don’t see the point of waiting, when we’re such a good thing. It’s not because you’re ill, but yeah, that did wake me up. We only get this one life, and you’re the only one I want to share it with. Whatever comes, I wanna face it with you.”

Jude’s face softened at then, some of the fright melting and smoothing out his features. “We don’t need to get married for that to happen.”

“I know,” Zero agreed, his knee starting to protest at being relied on for so long; “But I want to. I want to see you across the room and think ‘that’s my husband’, look at my hand and see the ring you put there. Know that you’re mine, and that everyone can see it.”

Jude raised one eyebrow playfully, finally defrosting, “Possessive, much?”

“You know it.” Zero licked his bottom lip, enjoying the way Jude followed the action with hungry eyes. “So what do you say? Gonna let me tie you down?”

“I’ve had worse offers.” Jude conceded, before turning serious again. “Are you sure this is what you really want? You’re not just saying it to make me happy?”

“I always want you to be happy.”

Zero hurried on at Jude’s exasperated glare; “But this is what I want. I promise.”

“Okay, ask me again.” Jude said, sitting up straight.

Zero blinked in surprise, but cracked out a grin and did as he was told. “Will you marry me, Jude?”

“Yes,” Jude said softly, before sliding out of his seat to wrap his arms around Zero to devour him with a deep, endless kiss. Jude was busy sucking on his tongue as Zero slid his hands up underneath Jude’s jacket, feeling the heat of his skin through his shirt, when a polite cough interrupted them.

Lionel was standing on the patio in a floor-length mint green dress, one hand on her hip and a wry smile on her lips.

“Should I come back later?” She asked, affectionately mocking.

Jude looked absolutely mortified to have been caught by her, and let out a tiny squeak of embarrassment, which Zero covered up by replying: “No, actually, you have perfect timing.”

He rose to his feet as smoothly as he could, with the beginning of cramp in one knee, and offered Jude his hand, which he took. They dusted imaginary dirt off their suits to give themselves a moment to compose their dignity as Lionel watched in clear amusement. She strode up to them, giving Jude a wide smile.

“I’m happy for you, darling.”

Jude glanced between them in shock. “You knew about this?” He sounded slightly scandalised.

“Who do you think helped organise this on such short notice?”

Jude tilted his head, clearly wondering what was so unique about the meal that Lionel had been called in. “The food and the flower arch?” He attempted to clarify, and Lionel’s eyes bugged slightly, before she shot Zero a worried look.

“I was just about to get to the good bit.” Zero said and she nodded, before leaning over to kiss Jude on the cheek, and wordlessly taking her leave.

“There’s more?” Jude prompted, vaguely hysterical. “What else could there be? Doves? Acrobats? Are there acrobatic doves?”

Zero laughed, using their last private moment for a while to stroke Jude’s hips with his fingers, silently soothing. Anchoring Jude in place.

“Not quite, though I could always aim to get some on our honeymoon.”

Jude was still looking at him with mild bemusement, and Zero couldn’t resist kissing the look off his face. He pulled back when Jude attempted to deepen it though, moving one of his hands to gently cup Jude’s smooth cheek. His lips were wet and slightly swollen, his cheeks flushed and there was a bead of sweat along his tousled hairline, and he was easily the most beautiful thing Zero had ever seen. Because the love in his eyes was honest, and unconditional, and it was all for Zero.

“Why is she here, Zero?”

His reply began with a cheesy grin. “She’s here for you, of course.”

“For me?” Jude repeated, but Zero was already moving on.

“I don’t want to wait, to let life and court drama, and all that other stuff get in the way. To juggle endorsements and new agents with seating plans and florists. Fake parties where people we hate tell us how happy they are for us. I don’t want the press to hound us if we tell them, or for you to have to hide another secret to do with us. I want you to be mine, now.”

“Now?” Jude frowned, clearly not buying what he was selling.

“I mean, there’s a registrar that’s been hanging in the kitchen with Marcel for the past couple of hours, and she’s ready to do her thing. We have two witnesses, our papers, and I have you. So let’s get married. Here, tonight.”

Jude was staring at him in disbelief, and Zero prepared himself for another round of winning him over, but in the end it wasn’t necessary. Jude was kissing him, barely even able to, due to the huge smile on his face, and then dragging him inside to get their show on the road.

-  
  
Lionel had brought a case of rings with her; Zero had footed the bill for an entire men’s section of platinum rings from a high end jewellery store. He’d return the rest later. He let Jude pick his, pleased with the heavy set band he chose, which had polished, ridged edges and a wired finish in the centre band, to give it a rough-hewn look. Jude’s slender hands deserved something more delicate, and Zero settled on a satin-finished ring, with a solitary diamond inlay, and polished bevelled edges. The contrast made it shine even in dim lighting. Jude rolled his eyes and grumbled good-naturedly that it was typical of Zero to want him to wear a rock, but immediately protested when Zero teasingly made as if to return it and suggest another. Meanwhile the officiant, a nice older lady named Anne, explained the proceedings and confirmed a few details with them, to be sure they were eligible to be married.

Lionel monitored the proceedings, cocktail in hand, and even Marcel cracked a grin at their antics, once he came inside from re-arranging the veranda to remove their dinner table and set up the camcorder. Then it was time for the ceremony, and no matter how Zero tried to savour each moment, there was only one moment which actually stuck out in his mind (which made him extra thankful for the free-standing camcorder he’d asked Lionel to buy). It was pretty much just a pleasant, hazy blur, Jude’s fingers clenched tightly in his own as he promised to love and care for him for the rest of their days. Jude was crying when Zero slipped his new ring on, overwhelmed. The watery smile on his face as he proclaimed ‘I do’ was the only clear moment when Zero thought back on it, along with the taste of his salty-sweet kiss when Anne declared them legally bound.

The champagne was popped, and there were hugs all round. Then Jude's final surprise of the night came, when he watched Zero sign his name on their marriage certificate with a flourish. Proclaiming himself to be Gideon Kinkade from this moment onward.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't think I'd be able to update again so quick, because I literally type it and then post it, there's not half-written chapters hanging around, but what do you know, I managed it. 3 chapters written, checked and posted in 24 hours. I feel pretty proud of myself right now. I hope you enjoyed the wedding, even though I skimmed over the ceremony itself - I figured they got all their emotions out beforehand, and they didn't have time to write their own vows so... yeah, next chap on Thursday! Where we find out how the team/public reacts.


	8. Chapter 8

At some point in the night the A/C had flicked off and left them to swelter in their own juices. Zero had fallen asleep plastered around Jude’s back, but had managed to unglue himself during his slumber. He was swamped in the sticky residue of sweat-dried skin, along with other fluids, but it was a satisfying filth. It spoke of a truly excellent roll between the sheets.

Jude had been far quieter in bed since they got back together, and Zero had worried over it. Wondering if it was an indication that Jude wasn’t as into him as he was before. If somehow he had gotten laid by more skilful men in the short time they had been parted. Eventually he’d mustered the courage to ask, though he’d hidden his insecurity behind a joke. Jude had cringed with embarrassment, and admitted that when Oscar had been using his neighbours to spy on him, they had reported the loud sex he had been having, still thankful they hadn’t recognised who Zero was.

That had been the beginning of Zero’s campaign to make Jude comfortable enough to forget about others, and throw away his inhibitions. He’d succeeded somewhat in Jude’s apartment, though not quite to the volume levels he remembered. The real breakthrough had been when he’d given Jude a key to his home, after their first public kiss. Jude had been very appreciative of Zero taking the initiative to out them, and enthusiastic about proving it.

Last night had been something else altogether different. Jude had taken far more control than usual, shoving Zero deep into the mattress in order to ride him until they both saw stars. He’d controlled the pace mercilessly, and all Zero could do was hang on for the ride. Literally; he’d steadied Jude with gentle hands on soft hips, loving the way that smooth flesh felt, warm beneath his fingers. Jude was so tight Zero could barely stand it; he’d gone for the bare minimum of foreplay, pushing away Zero’s fingers, impatient for the main event. He’d used the wall and bedframe for leverage, and sobbed when he finally came. Then he begged Zero to keep going until he finished too. Only then had he let Zero roll them over, sitting up to carefully push Jude onto his front, to check him over. He was worried they’d been too vigorous. Jude had whimpered when Zero spread his legs again; but he’d been physically fine, just sore.

Jude had moaned like a dying animal when Zero had used his tongue to sooth him. He’d given up protesting that this action was too dirty a long while back, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t still mortified by how much he liked it. Zero made sure Jude knew he’d always stop if he ever did something Jude didn’t want, back at the beginning of their relationship. Which had resulted in a stammered, half-aborted explanation that Jude had quickly given up on, instead shoving Zero’s head back down beneath his dick, his legs already over Zero’s shoulders.

Last night, Zero just went ahead and ate him out, listening with pride as Jude _wailed_. Before his new husband buried his head into a pillow to muffle the noise. Satisfied enough to let it go, Zero vowed there’d be a lot less pandering to Jude’s embarrassment in future; he lived for those noises. But he let it slide because Jude was sore, and just focused on gentling him with his skilled tongue.

So the following morning, Jude was so far over onto his side he was practically on his front, and would have been if it were not for the way his head was crammed sideways into his pillow. Zero’s right arm was beneath that same pillow, his hand providing support for Jude’s neck. There was a healthy terrain of rumpled bet-sheet between their torsos, Zero’s head firmly on his own pillow, further back. But their legs were tangled, Jude’s smoother calves cuddling up to Zero’s hairier offerings. Thankfully, Zero wasn’t one of those bear dudes, so when Jude rolled over into the embrace that was wide open to receive him, they didn’t chafe each other or risk yanking out any hair stuck together by sweat.

“Good morning, Mr Kinkade.” Zero mumbled, without opening his eyes. Jude was nuzzling him lazily, tickling his nose with an unruly curl of his fringe, and now he pressed a kiss to Zero’s stubbled chin.

“Good morning,” the reply came in a in a coy, cheeky tone, “ _Mrs_ Kinkade.”

Zero opened the one eye that wasn’t up close and personal with his pillow, taking in Jude looking far too pleased with himself.

“Oh, that’s how it is, is it?” He wriggled in place, pulling his arm out from under Jude’s pillow now that Jude’s head was no longer in need of it, wrapping it along the back of his husband’s bare shoulders.

Jude nodded eagerly, a wide grin splitting his face. “Uh-huh, that’s how it is.”

Without warning, Zero seized hold of him and rolled them over, so that he could settle on top of Jude, nudging apart the brunette’s legs with his knees.

“I’ll show you _missus_ ,” he mock growled, before indulging in a deep kiss, exploring Jude’s mouth with his tongue, feeling himself harden against Jude’s softer stomach.

Once they were done thoroughly ruining the bed and had indulged themselves with a long shower, real life made itself known. Zero explained over breakfast that he’d had Marcel research the healthiest food for people with severe illnesses, so Jude better get used to a lot more fruit and superfood vegetables. Jude assessed his fruit salad dubiously, eyeing up Zero’s eggs with undisguised envy. But he grudgingly ate it without comment, and graciously accepted a wheatgrass smoothie to have on his way to work. Zero had a feeling it was more out of politeness toward their chef, who had gone to all this trouble, and helped so generously with the wedding, than anything else.

They had also worked on their action plan now that their status had changed. They agreed to hold off releasing the knowledge to the media, electing to use their next bombardment by journalists as an opportunity to steal Derek Roman’s thunder (again), rather than calling a press conference of their own.

Jude’s health issues were another matter. Once he learned it was the team who had tried to come between them, Jude had been behind whatever vicious revenge plan Zero could come up with. Mostly, they agreed to do things more off the cuff; since Zero had been benefiting from the ‘pink pound’ as the Brits liked to call it, he had found he liked a looser approach to life, without the pressure of planning every ten steps in advance. It was the realest he’d ever been with the public, and with himself. And it was a load off his shoulders to know Jude would always be there, backing him 110%, even if he managed to somehow screw himself over.

-

The opportunity for payback came far sooner than Zero expected. Now that he was playing things by ear, he elected to let the team dig themselves a hole and push them in once their assumptions left them wide open for him to deliver the killing blow.

That very morning presented just the opening he needed. As he changed at his locker, he concealed his new ring, which Jude had lovingly threaded onto a thin leather strap to tie around his neck, kissing him soundly as he tucked it beneath Zero’s shirt. So Zero’s back was to the room as he pulled on his practice kit, preventing him from noticing Terrance’s approach.  
  
“We were all real proud of you, handling everything with your boy, the way you did.” Terrance opened the conversation apropos of nothing.

Zero raised one unimpressed blonde eyebrow.

“Oh, yeah?” he questioned, “How’s that.”

Terrance shrugged, large and lazy.

“Forgiveness is the key to unhappiness man, and it takes a big man to get over his boo stepping out on him.”

Zero tossed his head back, incredulous at the stones on the man, to say such a thing to his face.

“Jude never stepped out on me a day in his life." Zero scoffed, "The guy doesn’t know how to be unloyal. That pic plastered all over the web? It could have been literally any business man in LA, but it just so happens that it was Jude’s doctor, man.”

Terrance snorted, clearly doubtful.

“And he uses a hotel restaurant as his office? Some doctor.”

Zero quickly got real tired of the other man’s attitude. “Nah, but the doc thought Jude might be more comfortable discussing his options in a more public setting, you know, so the press wouldn’t speculate why he was visiting a private surgery.”

“Oh yeah,” said Terrance, not buying it. “What kind of doc, a gynaecologist?”

Even Zero knew that was a doctor for lady-parts, though it was a big word for Terrance. He wouldn’t usually have let a veiled homophobic remark like that slide, but he had bigger fish to fry right then. He felt his jaw clench involuntarily, and fought the urge to wipe the smirk from Terrance’s face with a more permanent measure than harsh words. But he couldn’t afford a law suit or arrest charge right now. Not the day after his wedding, and not when Jude needed him to be there, by his side. Zero was not going to lose out on the chance of being there when Jude needed him most.

“Nope,” he replied, dragging the word out, knowing that most of the players were listening in on the conversation. Even though they were still mumbling in their little cliques together.

“He’s an oncologist.” He continued, “You know, the kind that’s an expert on treating cancer.”

Abruptly, like flicking a light switch, the chuckles cut off. Suddenly, the atmosphere in the room was one of frozen disgrace. The team were all blatantly staring at him in various degrees of shock, sympathy and shame. No one was looking for an angle to make a crass joke now. Terrance backed up in horror, as though he could remove himself from his own careless insinuations, voiced just a moment before.

The swift, awkward silence was broken by a quiet voice in the back that whispered; “Oh _shit_.”

Zero couldn’t see who it was, but it didn’t much matter. The result was the same. Guys shifted their weight as they prepared to offer their false sympathy. The majority couldn’t meet his eyes, getting real interested in their shoes.

Most of these guys didn’t give a shit about Jude; would throw him under the bus in a second if it furthered their own agenda. Zero couldn’t really blame them: he’d probably do the same to their agents and SOs, if he were in their shoes. The difference being, of course, that this was Jude. The love of his life. Zero could be a hypocrite, but even he knew you didn’t fuck around with someone who (potentially) had cancer.

From that moment on, Jude was off limits and they all knew it. For some reason, people were affected by the word ‘cancer’ like no other. It left them reeling, probably calling back bad memories of friends and relatives who had suffered through it. But it was also rallying point. If someone could use it to manipulate their way into his good books, or the public’s affections, they would. Zero suddenly felt very tired. All this underhand, fake friendship shit, and cosying up to the fans, it felt very hollow in the face of a true struggle. He scanned the room, seeing only sympathy, but reading the greed behind his teammate’s eyes. They all saw the fresh opportunity to present themselves as wholesome and caring.

“Yeah,” Zero breathed, meaning precisely nothing at all. He turned his back and left the room without another word. Giving them all ample time to pounce on the shiny new opportunity, which he had presented to them on a platter.

If some of them chose to donate or promote worthy causes, well, it didn’t really matter if their career was bigged up during the process – not if the right people still got the money. The point was to spread awareness and dough. Jude had been right about getting the message out through the team. After all, they still didn’t have confirmation that it was cancer yet. But if the others were out of pocket, and donating their time to good causes, well, that could only be a good thing. Which is why Jude was a rock star. He played the long game, and he was always thinking ahead, looking for an angle. Even with something like this.

Whilst the others schemed on how to outdo one another, Zero had the court to himself for a few minutes. He used the blessed quiet to practice his slam dunk. The satisfying slam of the ball, as it passed through the hoop and bounced off the floor, was music to his ears.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New chap, as promised. Changed my mind about the content, but I hope you liked it anyway! Please let me know what you thought xx
> 
> Also, if anyone thinks, at any time, this fic is too explicit for the current rating, please let me know. I don't really know where the line between Mature/Explicit is drawn, and I don't want anyone to be blindsided.


	9. Chapter 9

The rest of the week passed by without much incident, though Jude complained about being too hot, and spent more time in his shirtsleeves than Zero had ever seen. He’d been struggling with his new diet or ‘food plan’ as Marcel insisted on calling it. Jude was obviously doing his best to be polite, but he looked like he might scream when he was presented with yet another variation on seafood salad the night before the week’s big game.

After their tactics discussion and last practice the next day, Zero decided to surprise him by taking him to lunch, and caught Jude cramming a half-eaten blueberry muffin in his desk drawer, with the deep guilt of a drug dealer hiding his stash. Jude flushed a deep, dark red when he was embarrassed though, so it wasn’t a complete loss. Zero tutted in mock disappointment, but merely stated that Jude wasn’t allowed to get dessert after lunch now.

Zero could sympathise with a hatred of nutrition schemes, having been forced to supplement some of his own diet with protein shakes at times. And drinking raw eggs was never pleasant, but he forced himself to do it twice a week anyway. For this reason he never poked fun at the look of disgust on Jude’s face whenever he downed a wheatgrass and spirulina smoothie. Zero looked up a way to mask the taste the when he caught Jude on the verge of tears at the sight of one as his breakfast option, and then invested in a whole load of coconut products.

Jude seemed much happier with the new taste, but clearly he was missing his sugar fix. When their relationship had been new, and Zero first started to invade Jude’s place and eat his food, he was surprised to find boxes of the sugariest children’s cereal crammed together, all of it opened. Jude was an absolute fiend for Cap’n Crunch and Lucky Charms. He ate a ton of fruit anyway, which is why his complexion was so damn perfect, but the salad and vegetable increase seemed to be bothering him.

Still, they had a nice lunch together. But Zero elected to recruit Lionel into the health campaign, when he noticed how eagerly Jude was inhaling his carbs, literally moaning at the taste of pasta.

The night of their wedding, Lionel had made her feelings clear.

“None of us have a great track record playing well with others.” she had said, one hand delicately clutching her champagne flute, “But as far as I’m concerned, Jude is the child I never had, which makes the three of us a family. And I don’t just want that to be a paper statement. From here on out, we’re a team. I hope you know that you can come to me whenever you need me. Both of you.”

She set down her glass to take hold of their hands, one each clasped in each of hers. Jude completed the triangle by reaching out to Zero, who had happily let himself be ensnared. There had been a lump in his throat, but Jude hadn’t had any problem expressing his thanks for her heartfelt statement. Zero had settled for giving her hand a squeeze and nodding seriously when her gaze moved to him. Their understanding was a silent one. They would never be close – they were too similar for that, both used to being immersed in their public persona – but they would both strive to make Jude happy, which made them allies.

It was a far cry from the cold assertion she’d made at the Out Magazine party, that she’d kill him if he hurt Jude. Apparently, marrying him was a big enough statement that he intended to take good care of him. Perhaps because Zero had been so genuinely terrified when she’s told him about Jude’s health concerns, and responded with a wedding. It wasn’t a step that most people would make first, after such news. Whatever the reason, Zero was grateful to have her support.

-

After lunch, they travelled separately to the arena; Zero had to spend time getting psyched up with the team beforehand, and Jude had paperwork left to file before the day’s close. Zero was mildly concerned when Jude left his suit jacket off, draping it over his arm when he left, rather than using it to keep out the chill which had developed. LA in summer was never really cold, but a storm was brewing, due to successive days of thick, stifling heat; heavy grey clouds covered the sky and the crackle of lightning wasn’t far off.

But Jude had seemed overheated for days now; they’d even cranked down the A/C, which had recovered from its blip the other night. Even though Zero had been forced into sweaters indoors, because it was too low for him. Jude’s comfort was more important, and he’d been fine going about in thin sweatpants and a light t-shirt. Privately, Zero wondered if the anti-inflammatory drugs Jude was currently taking were resulting in his overheating. They’d even taken separate showers that morning, the first time since they married, because Jude had wanted his to be cold, and Zero considered that a form of torture.

He pushed those thoughts aside though, preparing to deal with the game ahead. There was nothing else that needed his current attention, not until Jude had a solid diagnosis and could tell him what support he needed. Zero was prepared to be with him every step of the way. He was only thankful that Oscar had taken Jude’s ultimatum to cut ties with him seriously, and that he hadn’t muddied the waters with his presence or associates.

-

The night started well. They were killing it so far this season, and tonight’s opponents were a weaker team that had a long way to go before they could be considered championship material. That wasn’t to say that tonight was going to be a cakewalk, but some of the pressure was off. They saved their best plays for tougher games than this, focusing on straightforward point-scoring rather than evasive play. They weren’t overly concerned about the other team getting past them to the basket, knowing they had a strong defence, but remained focused on maintaining control of the ball.

An early lead meant a quicker win, and less effort to be expended in the second half. Their main concern with games like this was concealing their best moves from the enemy teams who would be watching the play-by-play, in preparation to try and best them later. If other teams cottoned on to their strategy, they could come up with countermeasures to get around them. The Devils did the same thing; it was a twisted way of showing respect of another top tier team. Acknowledging that they were strong enough that it took more than just playing a good game to beat them; they needed to study their passes and what it took to get through them.

Zero took pride in his textbook passes, allowing other players to take the glory for a change. He didn’t feel the need to assert his dominance in games like this, though he knew it was noted that he would be on the list of the highest number of passes which resulted in scoring. It was an important place to be in terms of being MVP, though he was much less focused on that as a personal goal these days. His personal life was bringing in enough reward lately that he no longer felt the need to supplement it with professional achievement. He couldn’t ever remember a time in his life when playing ball meant less to him, in terms of sheer escapism. He still loved his job, felt privileged and proud of himself to be where he was, but recognised that it no longer obsessed him the way it had before Jude. He’d unconsciously made a home for Jude in his life, not realising that it had included the space in his heart that had once been filled, however unsatisfactorily by his renown on the court.

When half time came and the Devil Girls took to the floor, Zero was obliged to retreat to the locker room with the rest of the team, but the coaches were all pleased with their progress, and they were only encouraged to keep it up. After a quick run through of the plays they were allowed to use, they were released to get a drink or watch the girls from the sidelines. Zero took the opportunity to chug from his water bottle, then slip off to meet Jude. He stuck to the courtside, allowing Jude to come to him.

As he suspected, his husband joined him after just a minute of waiting, and they took advantage of the dim lighting to share a deeper kiss than Jude would usually allow in public. For all that he had wanted them to be out, Jude wasn’t actually that fond of PDA. Years of not caring what anyone thought, to the point of being obnoxious, had cured Zero of any issues in that department.

The girls reached the crescendo of their performance and the lights came back up, to thunderous applause. Zero sometimes wondered how much of the audience actually came for the Devil Girls and saw the game as an afterthought. He turned to Jude to invite his opinion, and noticed that under the bright lighting he looked unnaturally flushed, all the way down to neck; bright red skin disappearing beneath his shirt. As if he had been the one playing in the first half.

“You spend too much time in the sun, babe?” Zero asked, grinning when Jude rolled his eyes at the pet name. “You don’t look to hot. Actually, you look too hot, is the thing.”

Jude’s shirt was actually clinging to him, a little damp from sweat but not to the extent that he had unsightly patches or anything. A bead of sweat slid down the side of Jude’s face and dripped from his chin. Zero frowned, worried when Jude took too long to answer. He looked slightly dazed, though that might just be from the harsh lights.

“I don’t feel so good,” Jude admitted slowly, “I think I might be coming down with something, actually.”

Zero pressed the back of his hand to Jude’s forehead, swearing at the temperature. It was like pressing his skin against a radiator.

“You’re burning up. Sit down, I’ll get you some ice water.” He said. There was still time while the mascot messed around and the lucky dip winner got to take a shot at the basket.

“No, I’ll be alright,” Jude protested, catching hold of his wrist, swaying a little. His hand was damp and clammy, and before Zero had a chance to argue, his eyes went hazy.

The situation escalated wildly, so quick that when Zero tried to explain it afterwards, he was hard pressed to remember the details. One minute Jude was hanging onto him, his mouth having just voiced Zero’s name. And the next he was a dead weight, dragging them both to the floor, Zero being unprepared to shoulder all of Jude’s mass without prior warning.

“Jude!” He yelled, panic cutting through all other emotions, dropping to a crouch, managing to catch hold of him around the shoulders. Jude’s head lolled lifelessly against his forearm. Zero lowered him to the ground as fast as he could while still being tender, brushing aside his sweat-damp hair to better look at his face. It was clear now that the redness on Jude's neck wasn’t blush from overheating, but a rash of some kind.

He was still breathing, but it was shallow and when Zero pressed his hand flat against Jude’s neck, his pulse was racing wildly. Shaking him gently had no effect, and neither did calling his name. Jude was completely out. Zero looked around wildly for an ally, praying that someone had seen, and they had; the team was leaving the locker room, Pete running ahead of them, his phone already in hand, but Zero still yelled at him to call an ambulance anyway.

Lionel was heading in from further down, from the opposite direction, where she’d been seated at centre courtside. The on-site paramedics were on her heels. They pushed past Zero and he felt an irrational urge to stop them from getting between him and Jude, he needed to see what was going on, Jude needed him-

Then Lionel was there, her arm around his shoulders, yelling at the team to back off, to get the press out of there, from where they’d descended from their designated spot in the stands and on court, cameras rolling.  
  
From there it was just a terrible blur as Jude was fitted with a respirator and they were unrolling the stretcher, Pete telling him to go, but Zero already was; clutching hold of Jude’s limp, unresponsive fingers. Lionel followed him, her heels awfully loud and grating on the bare concrete when they pushed through the side door, where the ambulance was already waiting. Then it was a lurching drive, screeching sirens and paramedics barking at one another, injecting Jude with an IV drip, holding blue-gloved fingers against his neck; but Zero was deaf to anything but the thudding of his heartbeat in his ears, as it pounded out his misery.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> play time is over folks, shit's about to get real


	10. Chapter 10

It was a cliché, but waiting was the hardest part of the night. Though seeing Jude so helpless and frail was terrible, Zero felt worse in the hospital, when his husband was out of sight and he couldn’t even reassure himself that he was still breathing.

They quizzed Zero on when the fever started (it must have been some time after lunch, though he was also too warm all week), Jude’s immunization status (Zero had no idea if his shots had all been done so they had to check), if they had exotic pets (they didn’t), and if Jude had been out of the country recently (he hadn’t). When they asked if Jude took illegal substances, Zero had been floored. Jude had passed out in his arms, and these jokers were accusing Jude of it being his own fault?

He wanted to strangle the man in front of him, but it was mainly out of frustration at the whole thing. Zero was bound here, waiting on the precipice, feeling as though life were spinning dangerously out of control. Something in his expression must have given the violence on his mind away. Lionel stepped up into his space, her round, pale face directly beneath his. He glared at the doctor over her shoulder.

“Hey, look at me,” she said, placing each of her hands on the sides of Zero’s face, forcing him to refocus his gaze. “You have to calm down, these people are the best and you need to let them do their job. They’re going to take the best care of Jude, but they can and will kick you out if you threaten them.”

Then she turned away from him back to the man in the white coat, the spike of her heels knives that she used to stab at the cheap linoleum floor.

“And you better not make me a liar.” She jabbed at the air, toward the doctor, with one red-clawed finger. “Stop dicking us around, tell us what’s happening with Jude.”

But there wasn’t much information he had to offer them. Though it didn’t take long for them to reduce the fever, with IV fluids and high doses of Motrin. They didn’t think the loss of consciousness was due to anything more than severe dehydration, as a result of sweating out the fever. No one seemed overly worried, even when Zero asked about the rash, and the possibility of meningitis.

No one really gave them updates; he and Lionel were just left to wait at Jude’s bedside. When she eventually snapped and marched off to find answers, all she could report back was that they were doing everything to get Jude’s fever down, and apparently they would all know more soon. She had been in and out of the room since they were admitted, fielding calls and dealing with Pete when he showed up.

Zero wracked his brains to think how long Jude had been suffering from overheating; all week long, or just a few days? On their wedding night, when the A/C went off, had Jude been unnaturally warm or responding accordingly? He couldn’t remember the feel of his skin with enough clarity to know. The details of days blurred into one long nightmare of Jude with his skin on fire, and Zero helpless to save him.

He woke from the dream with a start, ashamed to find he’d nodded off, crammed in his chair beside Jude’s bed. A hand reached over to squeeze his wrist in silent solidarity, and he met Lionel’s concerned gaze with a bewildered one of his own. Finally, after hours of nothing, a doctor saw fit to turn up and speak to them.

None of their tests had been conclusive for a clear culprit, the underlying cause. No signs of viral infection, bacterial or fungal illness meant it was open for debate. The rash would indicate a bacterial issue but since Jude displayed no other symptoms, it could just be a coincidence. They assured him Jude would sleep through the night on the cocktail of drugs they had him on, and all being well in the morning he could come home.

Zero steepled his index fingers together, allowing his other fingers to tangle into one fist, as he rested the other two against his lips. Jude was going to be okay. They would do more research, maybe switch the prescription of the anti-inflammatory pills Jude was on and life would go back to normal. Zero was fully prepared to throw money at it until they found out what was causing this thing.

It was suggested that they go home and get some rest; nothing more would be happening tonight. Jude was sleeping peacefully. Lionel made to do so, after they were left alone. She gathered her things and touched him gently on the shoulder. Zero blinked up at her blearily; the adrenaline had long worn off, and he was not going to be able to keep his eyes open much longer. Pete had brought his tracksuit from the arena, so at least he wouldn’t freeze to death in his shorts, in Jude’s temperature-controlled room.

“I’ll see you in the morning. Mind if I swing by your place and get you both a change of clothes first?”

Zero shook his head and told her Marcel would let her in, all the more glad they’d had a chance to meet at the wedding. He would never have let her in otherwise, and Zero wasn’t in the habit of giving people his house keys, even temporarily.

He was pleased that Lionel didn’t need to ask if he was leaving; he wasn’t.

Less than ten minutes after she was gone, his head was on the bed beside Jude’s thigh. He fell asleep to the sound of him breathing softly, his warm hand curled around his husband’s.

  
\--

Some hours later, Zero woke because of a soft shuffling noise. But when he sat up, expecting to see a sheepish nurse, he found the room was empty. Jude was awake, and watching him with hooded eyes.

“Hey, you.” Jude whispered, his throat dry from a lack of water; fluids were getting pumped into him, but not via his mouth.

“Hey,” Zero replied, equally quiet. He poured him a cup of water to sip from, and Jude downed it gratefully. The light peeping through the slatted blinds was weak; the hour was still very early. The only noise besides them was the quiet hum of machines.

After setting aside the empty paper cup, Zero draped himself over Jude’s body in order to give him an awkward, lying-down hug. He tucked his head into the brunette’s shoulder, careful not to place too much pressure on him, even though the doctors assured him Jude wasn’t in any pain.

For a little while, Zero revelled in the warm softness of him, the sweet smell of his skin, not feeling the need to say anything at all. Jude curled one hand into his hair, smoothing it down, clearly not bothered by the slick grease of products left in overnight.

“You really scared me, Jude,” Zero said, closing his eyes when he felt Jude lay a kiss on the crown of his head in silent apology.

“I’m sorry,” the words came soon after, but Zero barely registered them; finally, after a long night of broken sleep and fitful dreams, he could breathe easy. He soon drifted into a doze, relief the strongest narcotic of them all.


	11. Chapter 11

Lionel returned at a decent hour in the morning, as promised. Jude was sitting up, enjoying hospital breakfast with all the gusto of a man expecting to starve in the next few days. It was porridge, and Jude had gleefully spooned in far more helpings of jam than was necessary to sweeten it, revelling in the sugar rush. Zero had no objections to anything that made Jude smile right now; and besides, he needed to regain his strength after a night on tubed food and sedated sleep.

When Lionel knocked and then stuck her head round the door, he was just finishing up. She was holding one of Zero’s holdalls, which contained soft clothing; t-shirts, jumpers, jeans, clean underwear. There were also two new toothbrushes, toothpaste and deodorant.

“I didn’t feel like raiding your house.” She shrugged at Jude’s enquiring glance. She left them alone to change, but obviously intended to remain with them for a while, reassuring herself that Jude was safe. The rash on his neck was still an ugly, garish red, but the rest of him was pale, the anti-fever drugs having done their job. Jude had been given a prescription for more ibuprofen than a pharmacist would generally allow you to buy at once. He was instructed to take it regularly for the next week, which should prevent his overheating and get his body back in balance. Then Jude had checked out.

Lionel led them through the hospital maze to where she had a car waiting. She was going to re-join them for brunch; she’d warned them about the media frenzy outside of the main entrances, and had already formed a little deception before she greeted them. She was simply going to act as though Jude were still admitted, and Zero had no intention of leaving him. No one would be looking for them as they snuck out of a service entrance.

They went through a large room full of industrial washing machines, dealing with the thousands of bedsheets the hospital must handle on the regular, and found themselves in a secluded alley, where a small car was waiting. Lionel’s PA had brought it, and was hitching a ride back with her so it was all theirs. Zero wasted no time in speeding them out of there.

Lionel hadn’t beat around the bush when explaining why the press were so rabid. As expected, footage of Jude collapsing on the court had been captured by "those fucking vultures"; both official press, and shaky hand-held cameras held by the interested audience. But it had been an amateur snap by someone who could afford courtside seats, which had raked in the real money from the entertainment news stations. Someone had caught sight of Jude’s wedding ring and had a decent zoom. While the moving images had caught indecisive glimpses of Jude’s hand as people milled around, fixing him onto the stretcher and trying to comfort Zero, some nosy git had snapped a clear, well-lit photo, and caused a real stir.

The image was used whenever Jude’s condition was speculated on, so it was plastered all over the internet and TV. The diamond had played its part splendidly; everyone was calling it a ‘secret engagement’ ring. While most were cooing over what Zero and Jude’s wedding plans could be, a few nastier people were insinuating that it was merely a fashion ring, that Jude had worn out of wishful thinking. That he was hoping to create this firestorm by being snapped with it, in an effort to make the ‘notoriously difficult to pin-down’ Zero, commit to the relationship. Zero had seen red at that comment, and made a note of the TV anchor, vowing never to grant her an interview or appear on that station.

Jude let it all wash over him without a visible reaction; he was still tired, and they quietly enjoyed one another’s company until Lionel re-joined them.

She reviewed their options for a short statement, addressing Jude’s health, and settled on simply siting exhaustion due to dehydration. There was no need to indicate an underlying condition. Simple answers with no meat for the press to sink their teeth into were best at this time. There wasn’t anything to elaborate on anyway, since they didn’t even know what was causing irregular and inconclusive results on Jude’s tests. And any snooping reporters were liable to just create drama where there was none with their reckless speculation, with no thought for the feelings of the people involved.

Lionel was more pensive when it came to the wedding reveal. She liked their idea of planning to steal another player’s thunder, after a game when Zero hadn’t hogged so much of the limelight. However, she said the element of true surprise had been stolen from them. Maybe it was best to just come clean.

Zero argued differently; an engagement was a completely different story to a secret wedding. Engagements were pretty par for the course, and celebs broke them all the time after a lengthy relationship with no movement on actual wedding plans. He voted to just deny or sidestep any engagement questions, and let the hounds sniff out another story about another Devils player. There was always another scandal just around the corner.

Jude seemed to agree with him, though he didn’t offer up strategy like he normally would, commanding the conversation and directing the play. When she left, he closed the door behind her and leaned back against it, tilting his head back, exposing his throat with a deep sigh.

Zero hovered in silent concern. He wanted to ask, but at the same time he was afraid to know. Jude just looked so incredibly worn out.

“I hope you weren’t just kidding about honeymooning in Hawaii. I could really use the break. No one knows us in Hawaii. I bet they don’t give a fuck about basketball over there.”

“The Rainbow Warriors might disagree with you.” Zero replied, enjoying the look of incredulity on Jude’s face.

“You’re kidding me.” Jude laughed out loud, a beautiful sound after so much stress, “Jesus, really? What a name.”

Zero shrugged, in no position to make light of anyone else's unusual name choices. He took hold of Jude by both hands, slowly drawing him forward into a slow, leisurely kiss.

“We leave in two weeks,” he reassured his husband, and Jude moaned in relief, kissing him again.

Zero tangled their fingers together, raising their hands to chest height, palm to palm with gently squeezed fingers. Zero took possession of the kiss immediately, luxuriating in the feel of Jude’s soft lips, exploring him with his tongue, suckling on his lower lip as they broke apart.

Jude watched him with hooded eyes, as he used one hand to draw him into their bedroom. They were slow and tender in their removal of clothing; Jude’s fingers tickling as they leisurely traversed the plains of Zero’s defined stomach. Zero stoked down his arms as he pushed away his unzipped hoodie, enjoying the warmth beneath his fingertips.

Skin was stoked and caressed as they pressed each other into the downy covers; Zero wanted to smooth over each and every molecule of Jude, to see that it was all in its proper place. He worked his way down Jude’s softer stomach with his mouth, stroking and squeezing the extra layer of fat he carried round his soft hips. Not true love handles, but enough to soften his edges, provide a sweet little handful for Zero to cling onto when he took him into his mouth.

It was slow, an elongated, wonderful torture for Jude, who whined and bucked his hips, but kept his hands tangled in the sheets, and didn’t insist on more. Zero worked him to hardness with his tongue, took him to the edge repeatedly, before letting him fall over that blissful cliff. Cleaning him with light licks until Jude insisted that it was too much. It was lovely to see Jude in such a state of exhausted satisfaction, but he pushed away his enquiring fingers, as they began a mild investigation of his hipbones and lower stomach.

Jude pouted in confusion but Zero kissed it away, contented. He wasn’t in need like that; this afternoon had just been about Jude. The relaxation of a satiating orgasm was enough to combat the stress of the day. After only a few minutes, Jude’s eyes flutted closed and he descended into a deep, natural sleep. Zero couldn’t find the same peace, but he managed to quiet his mind somewhat. As he lay beside his husband he watched him breathe, fascinated by the rise and fall of his chest, the light pout of his closed lips, and the tiny movement beneath his eyelids as he dreamed.


	12. Chapter 12

They had two weeks before the next game. Pete wanted Zero on a time out for a few days, even called him to say he understood what it meant to be so focused on your significant other that everything else in the world was blotted out. Zero didn’t doubt it; Pete’s girlfriend had only just been cleared of Olivia’s murder. His wheels must have been spinning the whole time she was banged up. He never even wanted to imagine what it would be like, if Jude had been charged for murder.

Jude didn’t have an alibi for Olivia’s death, and she had threatened to expose him in one of her infamous red letters. The motive and opportunity were there. But apparently the police had finally gotten the right guy, but through no hard work of their own. All those false accusations and wrong arrests, only to have the real culprit walk right in, having never even been a suspect – how embarrassing. Zero was shameless in revelling in schadenfreude. It was never a bad thing to watch others fuck up; paying attention to their mistakes helped you avoid them yourself. That was Zero’s excuse regardless, and he was sticking to it.

So he had free time on his hands, granted by the head coach himself, and he chose to use it to trail after Jude. They’d spent the day after his night in hospital in quiet isolation, aside from Lionel’s visit, and Zero planned on doing much the same with the next. Jude wanted to venture out of their quiet nest though, and complete paperwork in his office. Heading to the Devils arena right now sounded like a terrible idea, but Zero consoled himself that he had at least invited himself along.

“You want to watch me do paperwork?” Jude laughed, “Look, I know you’re worried, but Lilja will be there. And so will Lionel, just down the hall. And the Devil girls are rehearsing and even the team will be there working on strategy in the afternoon. I won’t be alone.”

Lilja was Jude’s secretary, and she was a plain, dowdy sort of girl. She wore her hair in a severe black bob, the fake colour far too dark for her complexion, and dressed in horrid frilly blouses with long skirts. Jude took one look at Zero’s incredulous face after he’d hired her, and smirked at him.

“Did you purposefully pick an ugly secretary so I wouldn’t flirt with her?” Zero had asked, kind of desperately hoping for it.

It had been during their ‘off’ period: Jude had warned him to stay away, that they were really over this time. But if he was ready to move on, he wouldn’t take steps like that, would he? Factoring in that Zero would be hanging around, and pre-emptively removing any competition.

Jude had merely replied; “You will never know. Now get out of my office, I’m not your agent anymore.”

Zero was continually grateful for Jude’s scheming mind. He had no intention of looking elsewhere; he’d never loved anyone but Jude and doubted he could ever reach the same level of affection from anyone else. That didn’t mean he could so easily turn off the charm. For so long it had been his way in, gaining entrance to places he shouldn’t be or wheedling valuable info out of people who didn’t want to give it up. While it was still necessary to win over sponsors or coaches, there was no need for Jude to see any of that, right outside his office door. Lilja was nice enough, and efficient. She was on the ball with Jude’s appointments and itinerary, and seemed to know Zero was important enough to tell him where Jude was if he called, even before their show-stopping public kiss.

So Zero had no problem tagging along to the office to read articles about himself and bug Lilja, who had a picture of her cat on her desk, and was always keen on telling everyone about Miss Mittens if they had a spare minute. Miss Mittens was currently having kittens, and Zero was half considering buying one for Jude. Having a cat together seemed like the next step.

Plus, if he enquired about Miss Mittens’ health, and made noises about taking one of the kittens off her hands, Lilja was guaranteed to give him one of her home baked cookies. She kept a stash in her desk drawer. They were her grandmother’s recipe, and apparently native to Sweden, because Zero had never tasted anything similar. He solemnly admitted his cookie addiction to Jude. Stone-faced he confessed his problem, and pleaded that needed a fix. Jude rolled his eyes and insisted that Zero was convincing no one, but let him come anyway.

There were bound to be magazine spreads in his office that Zero hadn’t ever seen. Jude was a bit of a pack rat, and might have a slight obsession with shirtless pictures of Zero. He’d deny it to the death, but Zero was pretty sure his husband was only a few candles and flower petals away from setting up a full-on shrine in there.

It was fun hanging out in Jude’s office anyway; after promising not to get crumbs everywhere, Jude moaned about rude clients and problem players. A little pile of paperwork appeared next to Zero; including the CVs for the candidates hoping to become his new agent. He bitched about it but read the relevant bits, and signed things, agreeing to release his likeness for this or that, till his hand cramped.

Lilja brought them coffee and more of her cookies, and Zero generously offered some to Jude (who threatened to skewer him with his pen if he didn’t share some of the sugar). He was steadfastly ignoring the agency’s candidates for his new rep. Jude had been the only one worth a damn; and the asshole that had followed him had, albeit unknowingly, immediately put the moves on Zero’s man.

He whined about how none of them would be half as good as Jude, but Jude reminded him he couldn’t handle the double workload of VP and personal agent. That shut Zero up pretty quick. Though Jude wasn’t accusing him, either in word or tone, Zero was still ashamed to think the stress from the added workload may have exacerbated Jude’s health issues to the point of collapse. The sooner he got a new agent, the better.

From then on he devoted the remainder of his time to the application forms. He took a page out of Jude’s book and sifted through the forms, removing all made by male applicants and dumping them straight in the bin. Jude raised an inquisitive eyebrow but didn’t ask, and Zero didn’t volunteer anything. Jude and his agent would be spending a lot of time together, no doubt about it, and Zero was just removing potential obstacles before they became a problem.

Now all needed was to find a girl like Lilja. This was a lot harder to tell, because all the female applicants had professional handwriting and a list of qualifications and past clients an arm long. He eliminated one girl because she signed her name with a heart over the ‘i’, and only pretty girls did that. If he was removing temptation out of Jude’s path, it was only fair he did the same. A pretty girl could cause problems, even if she wasn’t Zero’s type. The last thing he needed in his life was more drama, Jude wondering if late nights strategizing his next moves, with a woman, were all they were up to.

Pondering of how to find a Lilja of his own lit the metaphorical lightbulb in Zero’s brain. Who better to find a similar woman than Lilja herself? Zero was up and out of his seat before he could overthink it. Zero turned on all his considerable charm, and listened to a solid five minutes of Miss Mittens talk before asking Lilja to sit in on the suitability interviews. He needn’t have bothered sweet talking her; Lilja jumped at the chance, and made grabby hands for the forms. She picked up a red sharpie and ruthlessly began dissecting them, humming to herself. Problem solved.

Even if Zero was distracted by a pretty face and low cut dress, Lilja would weed out the inefficient or incapable. He sauntered back into Jude’s office, thoroughly pleased with himself. Jude was glaring at him.

“Did you just pass your workload off to my secretary?” He accused, and Zero just shrugged. It was hardly his fault that Lilja was so enthusiastic.

“I only asked her to sit in on the interviews with me. Lilja is a very discerning person. She’ll find me a clever agent, who can get the job done in a truly professional way. She was only reading her book anyway, and snatched the forms out of my hands before you could say ‘Miss Mittens’.”

“Mmm-hmm. And what are you going to do, now that you’ve run out of paperwork?” Jude was still giving him the stink-eye, but he’d taken the glare down a notch or two.

Zero glanced at his watch. “I was thinking… lunch? We could take a walk on the beach after?”

Jude smiled, always keen on doing regular couple date stuff. Then his face fell. “It’s a nice idea, but we’ll get mobbed.”

“I’ve got that covered.” said Zero returning to his chair to whip out a baseball cap and overly large sunglasses from his jacket pockets. “I’ll go incognito.”

Charmed, Jude laughingly asked where he’d gotten the sunglasses from.

“Lionel left them yesterday.” he winked, proud of his little episode of thievery.

Jude was convinced, and they whiled away a few hours with their bare toes in the sand, dripping ice cream over their fingers and finding a quaint beach café for a fish lunch, keeping out of the heat under the large table parasols and drinking shaved ice. The tension of the last few days seemed to have cleared, even though the reason for them was always lurking in the dark recesses of Zero’s mind. But in the bright sunshine of the day, with Jude smiling across from him, his lips stained bright cherry red from his drink, it all seemed very far away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I honestly can't thank you guys enough for your continued support. The same people reviewing more than three or four times is so flattering, and it lets me know you're still reading, enjoying and engaging with the story as it unfolds. I hope you continue to like the direction I take everything, and that you know I encourage constructive criticism too, if there's anything you find weak and think I could improve on! xxx


	13. Chapter 13

“It’ll be weird, a brand new person signed to the agency specifically for you.” Jude commented, politely not mentioning how the current agents probably thought Zero wasn’t worth the trouble, and refused to work with him.

“For a while, it kind of felt like our roles were reversed. You’ve always been in my corner, covering my back, as if you were my agent.” He continued, treating Zero to that adorable lop-sided grin of his.

Zero wasn’t sure how to respond, so merely reached over to squeeze his hand across the table top. Looking out for Jude was simply second nature to him.

It was true that Zero had made some choices purely for Jude’s benefit. He’d made deals just so he could be in on details, in order to spill them to Jude. And held onto sensitive information which would have blown up in Derek’s face, because it would have been bad for Jude too. At the time, it had seemed logical, to keep Jude safe. A natural instinct. Jude was his main man; he had never let Zero down. Never ignored a painful or messy move, if it could bring something better to the table, later on down the line. Protecting him had seemed like protecting himself.

He couldn’t keep using that excuse when Jude was no longer his agent, and he had stopped trying to win him back, once Lionel had given him a job with the Devils. But it had only really hit him, square in the jaw, when Jude had talked of refusing to be an afterthought. Zero had been momentarily blown away by the reminder that there were people out there, with Jude as part of their life and family, who didn’t consider his needs before their own. Not the way that he constantly did. By then, Zero had been putting Jude's needs first, automatically, for longer than he cared to think about.

It was easy to admit that truth; to tell Jude he never could be an afterthought to him. He was always on Zero’s mind. Jude must have read the truth in his gaze, because they’d hooked up again thanks to those words. For a few blissful minutes, everything was back on track; all the pieces of Zero’s life had come back together into a completed puzzle again. But it couldn’t last, because Zero was the same selfish asshole he’d always been. Jude had told him he wanted more, but that he would never find it, clinging onto this secret thing they had going. There were other guys out there that could be good for Jude, but he would never find one if his gaze was continually shielded by Zero standing in the way of anyone new. But Zero had wanted all the benefits with none of the sacrifice.

Dragging people down had been one of Zero’s specialities for a long time. He had never meant to do the same to Jude. But stringing him along had been so easy. Giving him all the hallmarks of a relationship; emotional support, constant invasions of his privacy and space, not to mention fucking on the regular. No wonder Jude had craved the commitment that went with it; public dates and promises of exclusivity. Zero had given him everything but that.

It was a far cry from the flings he’d had in the past, where fun with a guy or girl had been exactly that. Where all the parties were on the same page, and no one craved any strings. He should have known after the first comforting kiss, that Jude wasn’t that kind of a guy. He was far too highly strung to have a friends-with-benefits relationship; which Zero convinced himself they had. Their status as friends had been the only reason why this fling was any different, because he actually enjoyed Jude’s company, could talk with him, even when the night wasn’t going to end between the sheets.

If Jude hadn’t found an inner core of strength, to issue an ultimatum, and follow through with it, who knew where they would have ended up? Zero didn’t intend to waste time thinking on it, but it was the kind of thing that kept him up at night. So many things in his life balanced on a knife edge; his popularity with the public, support from Devils senior management, his position within the team. He didn’t want his relationship with Jude to feel similarly precarious.

It wasn’t easy for him to express his emotions with words; he found actions much easier. He’d made Jude his agent, bought him a car, practically forced him to move in, kissed him in front of everyone. Married him. Actions were solid; and those he’d made, carried weight. All the reassurances in the world wouldn’t have packed the same punch as a spontaneous public kiss, which proved to Jude it wasn’t about image with them. Because they’d not planned it out in advance, waiting for the opportune moment, lining up interviews beforehand.

He might be milking all the positive publicity as possible now, being the first out pro ball player in US history, but coming out had been for Jude’s benefit alone. Zero hadn’t been thinking about himself or the impact on his career, beyond knowing that he’d survived Jelena’s sabotage, and he’d survive this. He was thinking about Jude; about the look on his face when Lucas never showed. Watching him quietly deal with the pain while the team celebrated, watching him leave in dejection, another nail in the coffin of the death of his faith in men. Watching him become even more closed off, isolated and insecure. How could he stand there, having professed his love for Jude, and let him suffer like that? How could he call himself a man, and not step up when he was needed? He might have regretted letting the public invade his privacy, but he could never regret taking the plunge that convinced Jude to be with him.

Zero did his best to steer the conversation to positive places and push aside melancholy ‘what if’ scenarios that no longer mattered. He no longer wanted to dwell on people that had the potential to come between them, and silently vowed that any agency rep had to adore Jude as a occupational requirement, or they’d be out on their ear.

“So about our honeymoon, you want to book some activities in advance? Anything you’ve always wanted to do on a tropical island?” he asked, picking up his phone to create a reminder.

“Fly in a helicopter.” said Jude immediately, “They have mountains, right? They have to do helicopter tours.”

“Sounds perfect,” Zero lied, not exactly thrilled at the prospect of a few thin sheets of metal between him and a plummet to the death, “But there’s no way I’m jumping out of it, so if sky diving was your next choice…”

“Maybe we’ll save that for our anniversary,” Jude quipped, and Zero made a note to never let Jude be in charge of their vacation plans, ever. “What about you, anything you always wanted to try, but never got round to?”

“Swimming with dolphins.”

Jude seemed surprised at the answer, so Zero elaborated; “I know it’s kind of a girl thing, but Laura was mad about them, and I guess she infected me with it. I dunno, I like the idea of touching a wild, underwater creature that’s not afraid to get all up in your space and demand fish.”

“Sounds great,” said Jude, “add that to the list. And maybe just snorkling, too? I’m not a big fan of boats or strenuous water activates, but I could stand to see some tropical fish up close.”

“It’s all coming together,” said Zero, adding both suggestions, “Also, I’ll kick your ass at mini golf. All these hotels have like, fifty golf courses.”

“Oh really,” said Jude, never one to back away from a direct challenge, “I’ll have you know I’m pretty handy on the green. All those years of smoozing clients have got to count towards something.”

Zero bit down on his lower lip, enjoying the fierce determination in Jude’s eyes.

“Do you have one of those sweaters with the little squares at home?” he asked, and howled with laughter at Jude’s answering blush; “Oh my god, you do! Is it orange and pink? Those things are tacky as hell, Jude!”

Jude sniffed, mildy offended that at the idea he would own anything less than perfectly classy. “It’s purple and green, actually, and entirely suitable for purpose. And the diamond pattern is traditional.”

“Do you also have one of those caps with the top missing?”

“No, I do not own a visor!” Jude squawked, “Because I’m not a fifty year old pensioner Zero, Jesus.”

But Zero didn’t believe him, and proceeded to tease him about his old man fashion habits for the rest of the afternoon.


	14. Chapter 14

Sand gets everywhere. This is the reason Jude doesn’t generally consent to go to the beach. He’s a busy man who wears a lot of suits. It’s hard to look professional when you’re covered in grit. It’s a testament to how willing he is to open himself up to Zero, that he would let himself be convinced to hang out there for an entire afternoon, with nothing relating to work in sight. Or maybe he’s just that ready to forget about his health troubles for a little while. Either way, Zero marks it down as a win.

They make it home in one piece, unmolested by the press, and proceed to strip. Zero is looking forward to getting handsy in the shower. It’s one of his top 5 things to do with Jude. For some reason, running water seems to bring out a beast in Jude, and he likes to take charge in the shower. It’s sexy as hell, and Zero really, really loves to tame that beast.

Unfortunately, shower sex is not on the cards tonight. One look at Jude’s awkward, pinched expression is enough to confirm that.

“What’s up?” Zero asks, hesitantly fumbling with his half-removed shirt.

Jude shifts on the balls of his feet, rocking forward and back in nervous motion for a couple of agonising seconds, before he replies. He indicates the master backroom with a jerk of his sweaty hair.

“I was thinking I’d take a bath, rather than a shower.” Jude swallows, nervously, as though Zero might object or something.

“Sure,” Zero grins, shrugging off his shirt and beginning to unbutton his jeans.

Jude swallows, audibly, and continues; “I meant... alone. I- I need the water cold. _Really_ cold, and I wanted to try out those new bath salts. The ones that should help?”

And just like that, reality comes crashing back in.

The doctors recommended cooling, holistic bath salts to release tension. It sounds like New Age hippy clap-trap to him, but then, what does Zero know? If it has a shot at helping Jude, then it’s coming into his house. He bought the highly regarded, super expensive ones. They smell sharp and yet somehow sweet, and Zero has no desire to use them on himself, ever.

Right now, Zero could happily kick himself though. Why is he always so oblivious? Jude shouldn’t need to explain all this shit to him. Why isn’t he more accommodating? God, what is Jude even doing, wasting his time, married to such a fuck-up? He pushes the thoughts away before Jude can read them on his face, and incorrectly assume Zero is pissed at him over a lack of shower sharing, jesus.

He leans forward, pressing a swift, simple kiss to Jude’s soft lips.

“Of course, babe. You take as long as you want. I’ll shower, see what Marcel left for dinner, nuke it, and then, you wanna watch a movie?” He offers, with the biggest grin he can muster.

Jude gazes up at him, beatifically. “That sounds wonderful, Mrs Kinkade.”

“Cheeky,” Zero tuts, giving Jude’s nipple a flick in retaliation.

Jude hisses sharply, and all tension is forgotten. He shoves a hand into Zero’s hair, dragging him into a kiss that is anything but chaste. It’s red-hot in seconds; nips and bites and clashing tongues. Jude moans, needy and passionate, his fingers roughly tugging on Zero’s jeans. This is going to end horizontally, right here on this floor, if they don’t get a grip. Zero reluctantly puts a stop to it, because the bath salts are part of Jude’s medication and his husband is sick. He needs rest, not more strenuous activity.

Still, Zero’s half-hard the entire time he showers, thinking of the way Jude sucked sexily on his lower lip, shoving him around like the boss he is.

They eat in their PJs, vegetarian lasagne. It tastes so good that Zero doesn’t even lament the lack of meat. Jude moans at every carb-filled mouthful. His hair has dried a soft floppy brown cloud that Zero just wants to run his fingers through.

Rocky III is their film of choice tonight, and Jude roars with laughter at Zero’s terrible impression of Stallone’s voice. (Jude’s impersonation is far superior.)

Sleep comes easy that night.

-

Jude is already in the shower by the time Zero wakes up. Life doesn’t slow down just because you’re not prepared to pay attention to it. Zero has to go back to practice today, and he knows he needs to focus, at least for a few hours, on the game. He cannot afford to lose the support of his sponsors right now. He’s the only out pro ball player in America, and apparently that means he’s a poster boy for gay dudes who like sport everywhere.

Zero so did not sign up for that, but there’s not much he can do to avoid it. Jude needs him to remain a valuable asset to the team. Zero has looked up the prices of cancer treatments and it is not pretty. He’d considered transferral to a team in the UK. If they can get citizenship in Britain, Jude could get a lot of it covered for free. Ultimately, though, he’d figured that marriage was the nicer, cleaner route. That way they could pool their resources. And Zero is not above whoring himself out to the press to get whatever Jude needs.

That’s what it means to love someone. You make sacrifices. So as much as Zero worries, and wants to remain glued to Jude, he has to show his face at the arena. Let the board, the sponsors, and everyone else, know that he’s committed to the team’s success.

He’s got work to do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it's been ages. Work got crazy, life got crazy, work got miserable, I quit work! Now I can do whatever the fuck I please until I land a new job. I am 1000% happier :)


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